Chain Mail
by SisiDraig
Summary: Vince leaves home to join a circus. This is a series of short letters sent between Vince and Howard. I don't know how to explain it. Read it - it's only short :D ...xx
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, I know you're probably sick of seeing my name on this list of new stories by now. lol. Sorry, if I'm boring you all!**

**This is an idea that came to me when I was out jogging the other day, I'm not really sure it's going to work but it's worth a try... right? **

**It's basically a series of short letters between Vince and Howard which ends up telling a story. Hopefully, it will be fairly self explanatory as it goes along but if not drop me a review with any ideas to make it more straight forward. Also, I'm going to use my artistic license in this story wouldn't send a letter times when you wouldn't be able to send a letter. But just go with the flow. lol.**

**D/C: Not mineeeeeeeee!! **

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Dear Howard,

I guess you'll want some kind of explanation. To be honest with you, I don't know why I did it. I didn't know what else to do but I knew I had to leave the lure of this place was too strong. I know I've disappointed you. I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry.

I'm with people who look after me and I get to be with animals. It's really fun and I've met loads of friends and they let me talk to the animals when ever I want. There's a lion called 'Simba', he's really cool even though he has threatened to eat the lion tamer on more than one occasion. Not that any one would miss him, he's not very nice and I don't think he knows what a shower is. Not that we use showers here. We wash in ponds and lakes, anywhere that's near the big top. I always get the elephants to squirt water over me so I can wash my hair properly, otherwise it would be a mess.

Anyway, I've got to go, Ringmaster Morton has just called me to clean out the monkeys and help the clowns with their costumes (they've got the coolest costumes). I just wanted you to know that I'm safe.

Vince


	2. Chapter 2

Vince,

Where the hell are you? I don't like sending my mail to various big city post offices hoping that you'll remember to pick it up. And what the hell do you think you're up to? You up and leave in the middle of the night and then I get a pathetic letter with no explanation or even a hint of an apology.

I hope you really do like it where ever you are, because that means you wont bother coming back!!

Howard.


	3. Chapter 3

Naboo,

Hi, how are you? How's Bollo? Everything okay at the shop? I'm fine.

Tell Bollo I've met a few female apes. I showed them his picture and they think he's pretty cute. I decided not to tell them how dirty he is.

Vince

P.S: Can you tell Howard that he hasn't got anything to worry about - I have no intention of returning. I didn't realise I'd made his life such misery when I was there.


	4. Chapter 4

Vince,

You're pathetic! Even Naboo and Bollo agreed that writing a whole letter to them just so you didn't have to send it to me was so childish. Typical Vince though. Always avoiding and running away from your problems.

Also, no one said you made their life a misery, if anything you should come back and face up to your responsibilities - that's right Leroy told me what happened. You can't keep running forever!

Howard.

P.S: Bollo wants those apes numbers.


	5. Chapter 5

Howard,

Just watch me run!

Vince.

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**This honestly doesn't have the right to call itself a chapter (It's 5 words long for gods sake) , so i'm going to update the next one in a little while (aka when I spell check it)!**


	6. Chapter 6

Vince

This is starting to become ridiculous now. It's been weeks since you left. We're worried about you Vince. I'm worried about you. I hate not knowing where you are and if you're still alive.

I don't care about what you did to Leroy and I'm pretty sure he's putting it behind him too. Jeez, Vince. You've got this all out of proportion - when he said he was going to kill you he was just being stupid. He wasn't actually threatening to take your life! I mean he was annoyed that you crashed his car. You shouldn't have been behind the wheel of his car in the first place, you haven't got a licence. And Leroy told me you were drunk! But it doesn't matter now, Leroy's had the insurance money through! No one's angry anymore!  
Just come home.

Howard


	7. Chapter 7

Howard,

You didn't see Leroy when he said it! Trust me, he meant it!

Anyway, the circus is my home now. Or at least the small tent, that I share with another man called Carlos, is. I think he's an illegal immigrant though, because he gets really nervous around police. And I'm pretty sure he fancies me, he keeps looking at me all funny and telling me he's got a big secret to share with me (I'm worried about what he really means by that). He also said that he knows he can trust me. He's alright though and Simba promises to look out for me.

Simba's my best friend here at the circus and everyone is afraid of his teeth. He's suggested you come and see the show, we're coming to London in a two months and I think he wants to meet you. I did explain that you're a sophisticated man and that circus' are beneath you but still, invites there if you want it.

Carlos has just come in with a GIANT box of sweets. Honest, the box is so big I could fit in it and he says it's full up of cherry laces. I've got no idea where he got it from. Never mind though eh, what harm can come from eating sweets?

See you soon (maybe, if you fancy it)

Vince


	8. Chapter 8

Vince,

I've looked up the day your circus comes to London. I'm sorry but I've got Jazz club that day. I might be able to come down a bit later. Bollo's definitely going, he seems to be getting on really well with those females and he wants to meet up with them. I doubt they know what they're letting themselves in for.

Also, I think you should watch out for Carlos, he sounds a bit odd and you can be a little too trusting sometimes Vince. I'm glad you and Simba are getting on so well it's good that you have a friend.

You'll never guess who's filling in for you in the shop! Only Bob Fossil! It's a nightmare! Honestly, if he breaks another one of my records or tries to force feed me beans with a funnel again well… I wont be held accountable for my actions. And you better not be laughing when you read this, seriously Vince. If you're laughing, I'll kill you.

Howard


	9. Chapter 9

Vince,

Haven't heard from you for a long time. Just checking you got my last letter. Or did the Royal mail mess up? (Wouldn't surprise me).

Fossil's still getting on my nerves, he actually tried to fire Naboo yesterday. Naboo wasn't impressed and turned his back on him and Fossil tried to turn him back round by force. Naboo was furious! I've never seen him so mad, it was worse than that time we released Nanatoo.

Jazz club has been postponed this week, so I'll definitely be at the zoo. I didn't postpone it, Lester did but it's a happy coincidence. Just a coincidence - honest, it's not that I desperately want to see you. No, sir.  
Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow.

Howard.

P.S: Naboo wants me to point out that I'm not actually going to kill you if you laughed, it was a joke. Also I really don't know whether you laughed or not anyway, so there's no need to avoid me. Please reply to this letter.


	10. Chapter 10

Vince,

Where are you? This isn't funny! I went to see the circus last night and you weren't anywhere to be seen! I even spoke to Ringmaster Morton and he said you hadn't been there for about eight weeks. According to him you just disappeared in the middle of the night (wouldn't be the first time, eh?). He also said that no one called Carlos has ever worked at the circus and he didn't know what I was talking about when I said the two of you were sharing a tent.

Also, apparently since you left Simba's been acting crazy. He keeps trying to run away and he roars all night and keeps trying to attack all small European men. He's also got a really bad reaction to boxes, which no one can understand.

What's going on Vince? Just let me know where you are. Or at least that you're still alive. Please Vince, I'm starting to get worried.

Howard.


	11. Chapter 11

Vince

It's been way too long. If you don't reply to this letter by next week, I'm going to get the police involved.

Howard.


	12. Chapter 12

NO! NO POLICE!

You get the police involved and your precious Vince dies. Got it?

Now that I've got your attention, here is how this is going to work: I need to get out of the country and soon. But I need certain things before I can leave; a fake passport, money, car and a bank account in Turkey and, Howard, you are going to help me get them. If you don't you WILL be sorry - or at least Vince will be.

Firstly, you are going to send me €100,000 by next week. Do it and I wont hurt Vince… much.

Carlos


	13. Chapter 13

Carlos? What's happened to Vince? How do I know he's alive? How can I trust you?

I don't have that kind of money and I wouldn't even know where to find a fake passport.

You're never going to get away with this. There's a whole bunch of shaman on your case.

Howard


	14. Chapter 14

Howard, Howard, Howard,

Please find attached a lock of Vince's hair. (I've never heard anyone scream so much as when I cut that off. He even suggested I take a finger instead.) But at least you've got your proof that I've got him here with me, eh?

Now, do exactly what I say:

Find that money by the end of the week - or I'll send you Vince's head in a parcel.  
Call off the shaman - or I'll send you Vince's head in a parcel.  
Do exactly what I say - or I'll send you Vince's head in a parcel.

Don't push me - I will do it!

Carlos


	15. Chapter 15

Carlos,

Don't do anything stupid. You're already on the run from the police. You don't want a murder enquiry on your hands as well, do you?

I've called the shaman off. They've agreed to give you time to leave. Just please don't hurt Vince.

Howard

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**If I'm honest I'm getting a bit fed-up of this story now! lol. I wrote it soooooooooo long ago (aka maybe a week, but my life's like a blur and anything that happened before lunch is a long time ago for me). So, I'm sort of updating quickly basically to get it all on uploaded so I can move on! I think that's a sign of impatient-ness (which isn't a word, but you know what I mean.) Anyway, all I'm trying to say is, will probably update pretty rapidly so don't hurt me if it's all a bit much! :)**

**I just hope you're enjoying reading it, because I'm aware it's a weird format! And the 'chapters' (aka: letters) are very short! Sorry about that but it seemed like the best way to split it.  
Sisi...xx**


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Howard.

After extensive searching we think we've had a breakthrough in the hunt for Vince Noir. It seems Carlos thinks the fake money we sent to him is real and he has no idea that it's actually a tracking device. We've tracked him to a youth hostel in Dover and we can only assume he's planning to flee to France.

Saboo and Tony Harrison have hacked the police databases and looked up Carlos. Obviously 'Carlos' is a fake name but we think he is Marcus Hart a Sunderland born man who passes himself of as various European characters. It is believed Hart was responsible for the theft of the Damocles Diamond from the high security bank in Newcastle. The circus passed through Newcastle not long after the robbery, it seems Hart joined the circus there to escape. When everything had died down a bit, he kidnapped Vince and legged it to Dover - not a bad plan really!

There is no need to worry though as we have our best, most focused men on the case. Tony Harrison, Saboo and Kirk. Rest assured; Vince's fate is in their safe hands.

Dennis  
_Head Shaman_


	17. Chapter 17

Howard,

I warned you to call the shaman off but you didn't do it, did you Howard? I know you didn't because they're outside my door now. I've barricaded the door and boarded up the windows but they wont leave.

I warned you what would happen if you didn't call them off but it seems a shame to harm such a pretty face like Vince's. So you've got two days to call them off if you do, I'll leave Vince alone.

I've got the money and the fake passport (no thanks to you). I bought the car and i'm assuming you did set up my bank account in France. All I need is an opportunity to escape.

Call off the shaman and I'll leave Vince here - alive.

Don't call them off and I'll send you Vince's head in a parcel.

Oh, and do it quickly. He looks really scared; tied up and gagged in the bathroom his big blue eyes full of fear. It's sad really I suppose. Don't make it worse Howard, do the right thing.

Carlos.


	18. Chapter 18

Howard,

Thanks for calling off the shaman. You probably don't like me much and why should you? But I thought I'd thank you anyway.

Now, I promised that I'd leave Vince alone if you called of the shaman off but, as you pointed out, I don't want to do anything stupid. I've realised that if I leave Vince here he'll be able to identify me so I've decided he can come too. We'll probably be in Turkey by the time you read this so I guess there's no point in you writing back.

Don't worry me and Vince will be very happy together. He's pretty pleasant on the eye and us criminals have got to stick together. He told me back at the circus he was on the run and I knew he was my criminal sole mate.

Have a nice life, Howard!  
Carlos.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notorious Damocles Diamond Thief Thwarted By Sneaky Shaman**

Late yesterday evening, diamond thief Marcus Hart was arrested by talented shaman Kirk, talented strategist Tony Harrison and sidekick Saboo at the port in Dover. Hart stole the Damocles Diamond from the high security bank in Sunderland a few months ago before kidnapping circus co-worker and all-round cool guy, Vince Noir, and blackmailing Noir's family into giving him €100,000 to aid him in his escape to Turkey, the only country in Europe that doesn't extradite criminals.

However, Head Shaman, Dennis, got wind of this plan and sent out a group of competent Shaman to stop the thief in his tracks. They sent fake money to Hart which also served as a tracking device to help locate the criminals whereabouts. After finding him, the shaman watched him from a safe distance before arresting him at the opportune moment (when he left the flat in the early hours of the morning) and taking him to local authorities in Dover.

The shaman didn't stop there however, they flew a magic carpet to Newcastle to return The Damocles Diamond and even took Noir home. Vince Noir had this to say:'Obviously, I'm very grateful to the shaman's for saving my life, especially that Tony Harrison, he's got a handsome face. His legs are a bit weird though. But I am annoyed they didn't get there a bit sooner because I've lost some of my hair and I want compensation! Now, I'm just glad to be returning home to my friends Howard, Naboo and Bollo but I'm a bit worried about seeing my other friend, Leroy, again because I'm pretty sure he want's to kill me. Also, I've been told I get to keep the lion, Simba, from Morton's Magical Circus, is that true? I know it was shut down last week after the police had been there investigating, they found a clown in a closet or something. Simba's going to love living with me. He can sleep on the end of my bed, all curled up like a kitten. Genius!'

Hart is due to appear in court tomorrow and is likely to be looking at a life sentence. Leroy Smith is also likely to appear in court in an unrelated murder case against Noir tomorrow, although it is believed he is going to be let off the charges as it appears there has been some sort of 'misunderstanding' between Noir and Smith.

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**So, it turns out you can't write an entire story just with letters. :)**** And I had to cheat and use a (a poorly written - I could never be a journalist) newspaper article which I'm furious about. Lol.**

**Also, I'm pretty sure Leroy hasn't got a surname, so i chose the most common name I could think of.**

**Anyway, there it is - all finished. I'd love to hear what you think because I know this is a little bit different and I want to know if you can follow it - or any ideas you have to improve it.**

**Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed (honestly, they mean lots). I would name you all but I'm in a rush and you all know your names - but that doesn't mean I'm not very grateful for all your kind and helpful words.**

**And thanks to everybody who read it - you all rock!!  
****Sisi…xx**


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